I've been having weird emotional turnouts these past couple of weeks and its been hella annoying. One minute I would be acting crazy happy and the next I would be sobbing by myself when a friend of mine accidentally hit me. It didn't even hurt but I cried! Most of the time I would be having this bitchy attitude where everyone would literally hate me. I wouldn't smile, I would only reply to people in a very short sarcastic way to the point where my friend said I was rude. This worries me to be honest because I feel like its a natural thing for me to behave like this but the people around me don't seem to accept that. Since I had this emotional phase, the other day I felt like a person like me shouldn't even have close friends because people would eventually hate me. Wow, you're so harsh and blunt, Isyah.
Anyway, that wasn't the point of this post though. Its 2.00 am and I just woke up from a very short deep sleep because of the sudden heat wave that crashed the atmosphere in my room. It was raining and cool when I slept, but I woke up to the blast of heat, the worst way to wake up really. Usually when I wake up I would straight away open my eyes and get up from bed when I fail to go back to sleep. But tonight I didn't because my room mate was on her phone talking really enthusiastically and I didn't want to be all awkward and be like "Sup" when she was busy talking on the phone.
So I laid on my hot bed. With my eyes closed. And I start to think. What do I want exactly. I believe that I'm bipolar because everything I do is indecisive. First I would decide to be like this and then I would decide that I'd better not. Like hell, I can't make a decision at all! Be it emotionally or physically,
Emotionally, it would be like what I wrote earlier, On how my moods are never certain. Oh and lately, I've been feeling eerily lonely. This is because all the people around me are somewhat involved with someone else while I'm here rotting alone. So sad la deyy. Pathetic even, hahaha. But I am at the age where I should have my very own boyfriend! I am coming out as a desperate woman aren't I?
The weird thing is, until last night, I was feeling like this. Like I NEED to have a significant other in my life. But now after I woke up while listening to Marissa babble on with the other person at the other end of the line, I thought to myself, why should I? I am perfectly okay alone. I don't need anyone else in my life to make me feel good about myself. Me, myself and I can be the only source of happiness. I don't even need to suck up to anyone to make me feel better and less lonely.
I have my obsession that can keep me company. I have my interests and hobby to keep me company. I have my future career to keep me company. Why do I need a human being to keep me company? Okay maybe I need to find myself a man but I felt like its not the only thing in the world that I should be worried about. Its better for me to upgrade myself.
For instance, I would seriously take up exercising (seriously), not to impress anyone else, but to impress myself. I would become this chic person that I always adored (Krystal from fx really is my role model lol) I would focus more on my mom's business without being embarrassed
Oh God, I'm only saying this but I'm just scared that I wont even do shit. Well lets just hope and pray that I wont back down. Cos I really want to improve myself and be a better and new me
HAHAHAHHAA
HAHAHAHHAA
Funny la me.
